i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
