They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
