i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
