Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
