I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This baby is an asshole
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
