Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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