I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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