No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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