Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
