She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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