What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
