I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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