I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
