i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
