literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
