nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
