no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
