Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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