Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
