First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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