If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
