i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
