I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
