He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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