the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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