Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
