i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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