I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
our cab driver is having phone sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
