and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
