Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
