We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
