Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
