my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
