fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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