..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
