Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
