she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
