I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
