you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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