I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
