Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
