You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
