DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
