things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish you could order shots online.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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