So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
