Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
