thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
