Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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