The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
