My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
